


The Fake AH Crew in "The Nativity"

by TabiKittyKat



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Fem! Jack, Kids, Tabi to the rescue, we were once again deprived of content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 23:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16983852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabiKittyKat/pseuds/TabiKittyKat
Summary: Geoff and Jack received an invitation to the "greatest Christmas play ever!" by the others.Their school has no idea what they've done by casting the fake AH little ones in a show.





	The Fake AH Crew in "The Nativity"

**Author's Note:**

> Geoff and Jack are adults
> 
> Ryan: 13  
> Michael: 10  
> Gavin and Jeremy 9  
> Lindsay: 10  
> Matt Bragg: 11  
> Trevor and Alfredo: 12

Geoff and Jack were among a few of the proud parents that went to the local elementary school to see their little ones in the school play. Jack was constantly reminded by Geoff to bring the good video camera (and yes, they stole it.) so they could always have something to look back at and remember forever. And also, for blackmail. This was going to be cringy, at best.

Geoff was dressed in his usual tux with an ugly holiday tie and Jack had on a lovely red, sparkling Christmas dress. They both went all out for a simple school play and did receive some looks as they made their way to their seats. Right in the middle, where the kids would definitely see them. 

Jack opened her program and read that they would be watching the story of Christmas: the Nativity play. She shook her head and chuckled.

"This should be interesting. The birth of Jesus? Performed by our boys?" Jack smiled. "I know Ryan was very focused on his lines and practiced daily. But, I'm not too sure about the Lads. You think they'll be okay?"

"Ah, don't worry about it. They can do this. I've helped them with their lines so there should be no trouble. It'll all go without a hitch." Geoff gave Jack a thumbs up.

Just then, the lights dimmed and the drama teacher stepped out from behind the curtain to some polite applause. With a gray argyle vest, blue jeans and black shoes, he walked onstage looking very nervous, and fixed his glasses accordingly.

"T-thank you very much, parents and loved ones, for joining us on this special night. My name is Mr. Binghamton, the drama teacher here for our 4th through 6th graders. Our students have been working very hard for 2 weeks on this play. It's the wonderful story of the birth of Jesus. So, without further ado-"

"GAVIN, YOU IDIOT! I'M SUPPOSED TO HOLD THE CROOK, NOT YOU! FUCK!" 

Geoff stood up and applauded. "EYYY!! THAT'S MICHAEL! THAT'S MY BOY!" 

Jack nervously chuckled and pulled Geoff back in his seat.

Mr. B looked very shaken by this and called backstage. "N-no swearing, Mr. Jones! Get in your place in front of the manger!" He cleared his throat and turned back to the audience. "Sorry about that. A bit of excitement, pre-show jitters. So, without fur-"

"MOONBALL!"

The sound of something breaking could be heard from backstage.

"GAVIN DID IT!"

'YOU WOT?! I DID NOT!" 

"Open the curtain! Start the show! Hurry, hurry, hurry!" Mr. B quickly ran offstage and the curtain rose before any other backstage antics could ensue.

The audience applauded, some louder than others, as Lindsay and Michael (Mary and Joseph) were dressed in the traditional clothing and standing with the manger in front of them and the barn behind them, where they were staying. Some of the younger students were surrounded them, dressed as various animals.

Geoff once again, stood and clapped as Jack started to record on her camera.

"THAT'S OUR KIDS! YEAHHHH!!" Geoff cheered.

Lindsay shyly waved and Michael gave a thumbs up, then cleared his throat.

"We are Mary- that's Mary, not me." Michael pointed to Lindsay. "And I am Joseph." he pointed to himself. "And somehow, she was given this great honor or whatever the fuck to give birth to a baby that's gonna save the world from all its sin. But, if I told you how he's gonna do it, it'll spoil the New Testament of the bible and that's not gonna happen."

"We had to travel all the way to Bethlehem from our home in Nazareth to be counted in a census." Lindsay explained.

"Yeah, because sending an email or snail mail didn't happen yet in the old days." Michael grumbled.

"We were unable to find a place to stay at any of the inns, but we were fortunate enough to have found refuge and...some comfort, I guess- in this barn. Joseph, it smells in here!"

"Suck it up, Mary. Do you know how far we had to travel to do this shit? And it's almost time for you to give birth! We're not moving from here; we were lucky enough that someone actually gave us a place here, anyway."

"You're doing great, Michael!" Geoff yelled.

"Thanks, Geoff!" Michael yelled back, out of character.

"Lindsay, you look lovely, sweetie!" Jack waved at her. 

Lindsay just waved and blushed.

"Is it time for my bit yet?" Gavin walks onstage dressed as an angel. "Uhh...hark! I sing. I'm a herald angel, whatever the bloody hell that means." Gavin shrugs and his halo falls off his head, but falls forwards onto his nose. Ringer! This causes Geoff to just die laughing.

"Oh, my God! Get this, Jack. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life!" Geoff wheezed.

"Gavin! No! Jesus hasn't been born yet and you gotta talk to the 3 wise men about the star!" 

"LOWER THE STAR!" Mr. B yelled.

"No, wait! Not yet!" 

The star is lowered right above the barn and shines in all its glory. Unfortunately, it's lowered too much, hits Gavin clear on the head and he falls over.

"Ohhh shit! Angel down!" Michael laughs.

Mr. B gasps in horror and sees that one of the tech crew, Matt Bragg, is more focused on his Nintendo Switch than the work.

"Matthew! Put that game away! The star just crushed Gavin!"

Matt just shrugged. "When I grow up, I'm going to be the best Mario Kart player in the whole world. I'm just practicing early. I thought you'd be proud of me trying to reach my dreams."

Lindsay quickly hid the baby Jesus under the cloths in the manger while all the chaos was happening. "Oh, look! I gave birth. Jesus is here. Where are my gifts?"

"Micoo boi, can you help me up?" Gavin groaned.

"Oh, all right. I bet that star is heavy, huh?" Michael smiled as he lifted the star up and Gavin stood up, shakily.

"A little bit. Thanks, boi. Uh...I guess it's 3 kings time now, huh?" Gavin chuckled nervously.

"Actually, it's only one king. One wise... _mad_ king."

And out walked Ryan Haywood, as dramatic as can be, in his kilt and cracked crown, carrying three boxed gifts. The students dressed as animals, especially the cows, quickly ran backstage. The black blazer and white dress shirt were spotted with red.

"Jesus Christ..." Jack shook her head.

"Every time, he does this. He can never be normal. What the hell did you hear him practice in his room, anyway?" Geoff whispered to her.

"Well, it was either his lines or trying to summon a demon. I couldn't tell after a while. Maybe he was flubbing? I don't know." Jack just shrugged and Geoff face-palmed with worry.

"James! What are you wearing?!" the drama teacher gasped in horror. "That's not the king outfit you're supposed to wear! And where are Trevor and Alfredo?? They're-"

"Dead."

"WHAT?!"

Ryan chuckled. "Nah; they got stage fright and couldn't do it. So, I'll be giving the myrrh and frankincense in their honor."

"Ryan, you crazy asshole. Why do you have red on your clothes?" Michael asked, pointing at the red spots with his crook.

"Uhh...I ran into some bad people while following the quickly descending star over here. I had to take 'em out." Ryan pointed to a point on his crown, which was covered red.

"You psychopath, Ryan!" Gavin gasped.

"I agree with Gavin." Geoff nodded.

Ryan put down the gifts and gave Michael and Lindsay each a hug. "Mary and Joseph, the star that almost killed the angel that informed me of this miracle shone so bright that I had no trouble getting over here. An Uber would've been great, but whatever. I'm here to bring gifts to the baby Jesus." He took a knee next to the manger and smiled.

"I have traveled far and wide to meet you. You will do amazing things for this world, including a musical about all the amazing things you do for the world."

"JAMES!"

"My fellow comrades have fallen ill to the disease known as 'being chicken,' so I have brought the gifts in their stead. But mine first." Ryan offers the gift to the baby, then looks up at the couple. "Uhh..."

"He's a baby, you idiot." Michael stated bluntly.

"OH! Oh right, my bad. I'll, uh, I'll open it. Right." Ryan opens his gift to reveal 5 golden rings.

"What the f- hahahaha! Ryan, really?? That's from a Christmas carol!" Michael laughed.

"Now, look. Our parents so graciously got us these rings as props. I wanted to have real gold, and they delivered! Sue me!" Ryan exclaimed. Gavin quickly swiped the box and put the rings in his pocket. "Gavin!"

"A baby has no need for these! I do. I like gold." Gavin stuck his tongue out at the wise man.

Ryan opened the second gift and it was a mask of Frankenstein's monster. 

"When you get older and you have to scare the mean guards away from arresting you, put this mask on and they'll run away screaming for sure."

"Ryan, isn't it Frankincense?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah, but I was too lazy to look it up. I did get something cool for the last gift, though." Ryan opened the last gift and moonballs came spilling out of it.

"Ohhh...so THAT'S why I got charged about $100 on my credit card." Geoff nodded.

"Hell yeah! MOONBALL!" Gavin bounced a moonball on the stage and it bounced all over the place, eventually landing in the manger with the baby Jesus. 

"Did you know that if you say 'moonball' fast enough, it kinda sounds like 'myrrh'?" Ryan winked.

"This whole play is a disaster!" Mr. B ran onstage, yelling.

"Yeah, but it's a disaster from our kids, and I love it." Geoff states proudly. The audience slowly starts to leave as chaos with the moonballs ensue onstage.

"Can we at least get the baby Jesus out here? Where's Jeremy?" Mr. B looked around in a panic.

Just then, he heard some rap music playing over the speakers and out walked Lil J, in a Jesus costume (yes, the one with the long hair, so he has a wig on) holding a microphone and hyping up the crowd, or lack thereof.

"Hey, how's it going everybody? It's my birthday! Let's have a party!" Jeremy announced. He started to sing a 'happy birthday' song even Jesus himself probably wouldn't sing. Geoff and Jack were dancing in the audience while everyone onstage were busting their own moves. Well, except for Mr. B. He was terrified and wondered how he was going to explain this to the school board.

He rushed offstage to close the curtains, but right before the curtains dropped, Trevor strolled onstage dressed as Santa, with Alfredo as a reindeer, looking cool as ever.

"Ho-ho-ho! Merry Birthday, Jesus- HEY! Put the curtain back up! I just got here!" Trevor yelled, but the curtains closed with a 'WHOOSH' and soon, there was silence.

Jack and Geoff applauded and whistled like crazy. The crew walked in front of the curtain, lined up and took a bow.

"Bravo! Bravo! Encore!" Jack cheered.

"Best performance ever! Hell yeah!" Geoff yelled with pride. 

Michael looked around and asked, "Where the hell did our teacher go?"

Lindsay shrugged. "Probably to cry. We kinda did ruin his vision."

"Who cares? I had a good time! It was better than that boring crap he had planned. These wings are annoying, though." Gavin complained.

"What if he tells the principal?" Alfredo asks.

"Oh, don't worry. Jeremy and I made sure that this production will be kept under wraps." Ryan said as he and Jeremy gave a wink.

"Tell that to Jack. She recorded the whole thing." Geoff pointed at her.

"Don't worry. It'll be our Christmas tradition to watch this every year. No one else will know." Jack smiled.

And after convincing the other kids in the play not to say a word about how awry it all went, the crew gathered around the tree on Christmas Eve to watch their amazing play on their big screen TV. There will never be another nativity play like it, and that's what makes it special.


End file.
